So I want to talk about being fat.
In all honesty, I didn’t have a lot of grand plans for this blog. I figured I’d for sure post reviews and maybe the occasional humorous life observation, but since my inaugural post in December 2016, I’ve posted twice. It’s time to reevaluate what I want to do with this blog, and like I said in my opening line, I want to talk about being fat.
First: I’m fat. I’m heavy. The photos posted here (taken May 2017) show me at just under 200lbs, which, as of this post, has not changed. And believe me, I have lots of excuses. Big bones, (ex-) boyfriend’s mom’s cooking, freshman fifteen (from ten years ago), laziness, emotional eating, bored eating, stress, on and on.
Second: I am more positive about my body than I was a few years ago (even a few months ago!), but I still have negative feelings about my appearance. I am so proud of everyone who really loves themselves. It’s a challenge to overcome years and years of others’ and your own expectations about your appearance. Sometimes I look at myself and think, Yeahhhh, you got this. Often I look at myself and thing, Wow, what a disgusting slob. And worse. I still spend a lot of time focusing on my double chin, my wide calves, my thick ankles, the flabbiness of my arms and stomach — yikes. Then I’m ashamed because how is this helpful to anyone? Who is benefitting from this mean commentary?
Third: Despite being unhappy with my appearance for a very long time, I didn’t start making changes until late April of this year. My dad joined a gym, and I joined with him. I started attending two group strength classes a week. Then I attended two more classes. Then I signed up for a November half marathon and started training. My goal since 2016 is a half marathon in each state before I’m 50, and it was time to get started. (Right now I’m 2/50.)
If this had been a few years ago, I might have been embarrassed about attending group gym classes. As if gym glasses are something to ashamed about. (FYI: They’re not.) But instead, I look forward to them. I need the group to act as my accountability. It’s not that each person in class is going to make sure I work out, but there is something motivating about at least one person in class noticing your absence.
As far as running goes, the workouts really help me be a better runner. I also have running buddies! We’re doing the November half together, and I don’t want to let them down. I’m trying to run at least three times a week. I’m slowly (slooowwwwly) but surely getting better. No matter what, I expect to PR in November. My best half time so far is 3:12:24. I think I can get it to 3:00:00.
Accountability is key, and since I struggle to hold myself accountable, I need other people.
Fourth: I mentioned above that I’m under 200lbs. Why, you may ask, especially since I’m working out a minimum of four times a week? Food. Food is something I struggle with. A lot of this getting fit is going to focus on my food choices, which is the one area where I feel really on my own. Are there classes for meal planning? Because sign me up. I need it.
I’m still going to post reviews. I love hearing my own opinion about stuff. But my focus is probably going to be on getting fit — at least for a while.